A Low-Effort Way I Try to Stay Close to the People Who Matter Most

Cannot believe it’s already September, summer flew! But with it comes the top of the month, and a spotlight on a practice I’ve been running for several months now to better stay in touch and document my own developments, highs and lows, in the midst of all this warp speed. How ap-pro-pro that we’ve got a little routine or habit to spotlight and showcase here. Almost like we planned this 😉😉

For starters, it’s important to state the obvious: everyone is really busy. (Busy vs. productive is a conversation for a different time.) But regardless, everyone’s got a lot going on. It’s almost baked into the fabric of our society and our lives. Work, family, obligations to other entities, communities, boards, churches, personal pursuits, and (where possible) rest. Whatever our version of life looks like, time is limited and short, and there are only so many hours in the day. Every sector of life is pulling for our time, and unless we actively protect some of it, it gets filled without us ever deciding that’s what we wanted.

There are seasons and reasons for the shifts in how we spend our time, and most of them are perfectly legitimate. But it does raise a real question, one I’ve been sitting with more as I get older and pick up demands on my time that aren’t just about me: how do we keep watering the relationships that matter, when we genuinely don’t see those people as much as we’d like, whether they’re a mile away or three thousand miles away?

The honest answer is that everyone we care about is in a different phase of life, with different priorities, and those priorities won’t always line up with ours at any given moment. Sometimes they’re in direct conflict with each other. Growing up, we understand more and more that that’s okay, and it doesn’t mean the love is lost, often to the contrary. With modern technology and a bit of dedicated effort, we can certainly keep in touch, it just requires effort. That’s just the shape of adult friendship and family life. So instead of pretending that’s not true, I built a small, simple system around it for my current seasons of life.

The monthly check-ins and recaps

These aren’t journal logs or an extensive monthly recaps in its purest form. More simply, they’re akin to scans, a step back to look at the month as a whole. A broad look at how things went: highlights, opportunities, and the handful of pillars I actually track in my life, like finances, wellness, and the general stuff going on. I try to keep it to one page and very simple. (Sample attached.)

Putting it on paper matters more than just thinking about things. I live these things every day just by being me, the same way we all live ours, by being ourselves. But there’s something deeper and different about seeing things laid out, outside our own heads.

Sharing it, on purpose and with limits

The connectivity piece is the share-out. I’ve been doing personal weekly gratitude bites for years now, so the practice of reflecting and appreciating is already a well-developed muscle. The recent evolution (and the bigger improvement and impact for me) is the share-out itself.

It started earlier this year as a quiet pilot with my wife and siblings, and it’s since grown to include my closest friends and family. That’s where I think it’ll stay. Just honest signals to the people closest to me about what’s actually going on in my life, on a regular enough basis. In practice, the exact cadence or rhythm may change as we’re feeling it out as we go. We like the flow and system as of today, but everything is always open to evolving.

Two things matter most in what I write it: honesty and restraint. I don’t want to only report the wins and skip the hard parts. I also don’t want to kitchen-sink every difficulty and concern. It’s meant to be an honest, quick, low-stakes audit of the previous ‘x’ weeks with potential bridges to conversations and deeper connections in other forums.

But none of that is expected either. I don’t ask for anything back. No expectation that people respond, or that they start doing something similar themselves. It’s simply me sharing things I already do. It gives me a way to stay present and appreciative amid the swirl of daily living while simultaneously keeping my loved ones along for the journeys.

Despite not wanting or expecting anything in return, what I’ve found is that the real payoff isn’t even the writing and sharing, it’s what it has opened up. I’ve had some great follow-ups from it. Sometimes it’s just a short text or email: “Love love love this!” Or “Killing it, man — tell me more about these books you’re reading.” Or a “yeah, me and my partner are dealing with this I-have-no-idea-what-I’m-doing parenting trial by fire too.” Or “this job market is tough, I’ll keep an ear out for ya’ll.” Or “you thinking of running another race soon? Let me know, I might train for a half and join.” These turn into a quick back-and-forth for a few cycles, and then things go quiet again for a while. But that’s the point. It nurtures adult friendship in exactly the way that’s gotten harder to maintain organically over the last several years.

At a minimum, the people closest to me aren’t just hearing from me once a year, or only around the holidays or special occasions. They know, at a macro level, what’s going on with me, and that alone keeps the relationship warmer than it would be otherwise. And when we do actually get quality in-person time together, it’s less about catching up and more about enjoying the now, building new memories and experiences together instead of just filling in gaps.

The bigger idea

None of this is groundbreaking. It’s a low-effort habit layered on top of things I was already doing privately for myself, restructured just enough to add another dimension: staying connected to the people I’m closest to, even as our lives move at different speeds and sometimes in different directions.

That’s really the whole philosophy behind it all; finding small, sustainable versions of habits that still move the needle on things that matter. In this case, the thing that matters is continually trying to water my important adult relationships regardless of how busy life gets.

– Keith