Walls & White Noise

“Without struggle, there is no progress”

Silence so loud, it’s deafening. Thoughts of yesterday run rampant while dreams of tomorrow are simultaneously perpetual. Nothing but the sound of keyboard strokes. Sitting, working, waiting. Waiting for something to happen…anything to happen. You try everything to make it better. Nothing seems to suffice. You’re completely and utterly lost. You try everything you can to stay afloat, but you’re falling. You’re falling hard. You’re falling fast. You think, ‘maybe the bottom isn’t that bad’…

You reach out…

Stress at unknown lows; anxiety at all time highs, what is this? Where are you?  Effectively alone in a land that is both native, yet more foreign than imaginable. Don’t blink! — Cutting through the silence, the desk hums, your eyes gleam. Social connection, albeit virtual. It’ll do… It’ll have to do. Some semblance of normalcy. Some fragment of home. Don’t blink! —  It’s an illusion. An abstracted conjuration developed within your psyche. A cruel joke, your brain has developed to stimulate some feeling of arousal. Some feeling of life…

You reach out…

This has become your new normal….and you chose it. You’re a prisoner to your own journey. A journey to truly understand yourself. To truly find out what matters. Necessary…yes, debilitating nonetheless. You wish away the months, and weeks.

You reach out…

You feel so alone, so lonely, so empty, so sad. You feel sick, physically ailing, your eyes are sunken. You cry. You breakdown, something all too familiar these days. You’ve been broken to the point where you don’t recognize yourself. Yet…oddly enough, you’re stronger. You’re the strongest you’ve ever been. You have to be. In your heart you know, somehow all of this is reconstructing a long broken spirit into something truly special and remarkable. Ready for a new life. Ready to go home. Comprised of gratitude, care and genuine love…But not yet. The iron is still glowing, you’re not done yet.

You reach out….then you remember….

Your new best friends are walls and white noise….

“If you’re going through hell, keep going”

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