Everything I Ever Needed

Everything I ever needed…

In two days, two sets of my closest friends announced they’re expecting. Euphoria is an understatement for the feeling that ran through me. And then…then it all made sense. I knew what I had to do, what I truly wanted, where I belonged.

For most of my life, especially my adult life, as brief as it may be, I have strived for more and better. In every single aspect of life, there was more to be had, more to achieve, a better person to date. The excess of more and better consumed my lifestyles. It was integrated into the very fabric of my personality and permeated into every aspect of all my relationships. Whether it’s as a child, a student, a co-worker, a friend, the list goes on forever; I am a big proponent of pushing further. Always pushing the limits and going after your dreams regardless of what it takes. Oddly enough, life and the universe has a way of giving you what you’re looking for if you seek it bad enough. The kicker, often what we think we want, what we’ve embedded into our psyche as ideal is not really what we want, more importantly, it’s not what we need.

Worldly possession, people, lifestyles and even ideas that are not in proper alignment with our core fundamental values will almost always leave us longing for more and often leave us emptier before having such in our lives.

I fully embodied the concept of living every day like it’s our last. Always achieving, always going places, doing things. Always pushing forward and worrying about little if it did not benefit personal growth. In many aspects, these are perceived elements of someone who’s owning life and taking advantage of every second they have. I do not think anything is wrong with having this mindset. To the contrary, I still embody elements of it. My fault here lies in that I sought this, often at the expense of those closest to me.

I was notorious for pushing people away; the closer people got to me the stronger the stiff arm. While never malicious in intent, the reality is that I always pushed people out. People who genuinely cared for me as their kin, as their friend. By the time I realized this, well let’s just say the universe had given me exactly what I wanted.

The last several months have completely transformed my perspective on time and life. It’s less about fulfilling these checkbox goals or criteria. It’s less about the house, the romantic ideals, even the exactness of a career.

Unfortunately, often only when people aren’t with us do we really realize their impact on our lives. Life happens fast, the dynamics of our relationships with people change fast and change often. We age, people pass, new people are created, life happens. Because of this, the single most valuable gift we can give someone is our time.

That’s all I really want in life…That’s what I need in life.

To experience times, both pleasant and unpleasant with the people, I call loved ones, my family, and friends. To grow up and grow older with these people, new and old. Watching our lives unfold in ever-changing ways. Watching little versions of ourselves spawn over the years. Watching these future generations conquer life exceptionally greater than any of us ever could.

To be there in moments of glory and success. To be there in times of tragedy and despair. To just be there; spending as much time with those I love and those who love me.

Everything I ever needed was right in front of me, I’m just finally done pushing it all away.